Monday, January 24, 2005

Round I

Madhatter returns dangerously low test scores. Explains to class that she weeped as she graded them and then prayed to the gods above.

First period response: Silence.
Madhatter: Is anyone going to retake tomorrow? Anyone? Does anyone care about their grade?
One student raises his hand.
Madhatter: Oh good. Do you care about your grade or are you retesting?
Student: Retesting.

Second period response: Ms., you won't fail us. You care about us too much.
Madhatter wants to say: Try me.
Madhatter really says: Honey, my caring about your well-being does not directly influence your grade. Remember, you are the only person who can affect your grade. You decide whether or not you pass or fail.
Same student: Whatever Ms. You know you love us.
Madhatter wonders whether she's speaking Chinese.

Fourth period response: You can't collectively fail us. If we all fail then you'll get in trouble.
Madhatter wants to say: Look you little manipulative bastards, don't try to play hardball with me. I guarantee I'll win.
Madhatter really says: Actually, I feel that I've done everything I can to help you pass. I practically handed you the test the day before. I've tried retesting, tutoring, make-up work, dancing, pleading, shouting. I'm simply going to document this and send it to each of your parents and my boss. You. will. collectively. fail.
Fourth period response: Silence.
Madhatter thinks: They have no idea that I've bluffing.

I hate threatening my students but they really pissed me off. They need a major wake-up call.


Blogger la maestra said...

haha, watch it chica, once you start referring to yourself in the third person by your blog code name, you can't go back!

8:41 PM  
Blogger Pigs said...

I heard a good one today...You're supposed to tell the kids, "I'm just the score keeper. I write down what you earn. You're the one playing the game." Then they stare at you blankly.

3:28 PM  

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