Tuesday, March 01, 2005

the crying game

today i cried in class. let me now surround this sentence with context.

i'm not the type of person to cry in public. i do not like to project an image of the "over-emotional woman" (a sexist stereotype) nor do i like to be pitied. at all. this is just my personality. i like to think i'm pretty amiable (aka i'm not cold or caustic) but i hate it when other people feel sorry for me or see me in a vulnerable state.

but today i was having a really, really bad day. i've been having a difficult few months and, i don't know, it capitulated today during lunch. the problem is, once the waterworks are turned on it's difficult to stop the tears. i managed to pull myself together when the bell rang but a few tears were still flowing.

i refer to my fourth period as "monkeys gone wild" because there are 33 of them, about 7 of them are severely ADHD, and the rest won't stop socializing for history class. they're a good bunch of kids but they drive me insane. as my crazy monkeys filed through the door a hush fell over the room. they began to crowd around me as though i was a zoo creature perched in the wrong environment. i began blowing my noise, anything to hide my face, and saying, "it's okay. i'm okay." then they all lurched forward for the group hug, saying "it's okay ms! we love you!" they were generally concerned. and let me tell you, i'm going to start crying like once a month. it was the best disciplinary procedure EVER. they just sat there and stared at me. someone would start talking and another kid would shoot a demonic glare, silently screaming "she's been CRYING."

the one kid that really gets under my skin got a little lesson today. he puts the O in obnoxious and when he saw me blowing my nose he said, "you look like crap." "i know," i said dryly. his friend hit him. "DUDE, she's been crying." "oh shit," he said. "i feel like such an asshole." no comment.


Blogger Megan said...

I'm sorry you had a bad day, but happy to hear the crying had an effect on the little demons. I cried in class once and I know what you mean about suddenly having support from the class! Hope your week gets better. :)

3:37 PM  
Blogger la maestra said...

awww, i'm sorry yo. i also shed a few tears today, but that was just because i have terrible allergies. keep ya' head up.

9:09 PM  

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