Thursday, April 28, 2005

man, oh man

I'm emotionally exhausted and I feel guilty about it. Today one of my kids said, "Ms, are you having a bad day? Because you look like you don't want to be here with us." I tried to fake it, but I did a shoddy job. He's right. I'm tired and I just want to sit and veg.

Perhaps I'm worn down because the kids are going bonkers. Our big standardized test is over and there are four more weeks of school. I know my students are thinking "time to coast!" and we're struggling because I'm piling on the work. I told them "we can do this the hard way or the easy way" and quoted Mussolini. hehe.

Being exhausted means I don't have my usual threshold for insults and annoyances, thus, the kids are starting to drive me crazy. Yesterday this kid pissed me the fuck off in first period, and then in third period this student rambled on about how teachers have easy jobs and are filled with self-pity. I listed many reasons why teaching is difficult, including "emotionally taxing," and he laughed. He reminds me of a scientist-type who regards social sciences as "fake sciences" and refuses to acknowledge non-factual things like emotions. Whatever.

My fifth period is totally out of control. They are the loudest, rowdiest bunch of kids. Today I tried to introduce the unit on gender while WASPy boys up front made homophobic comments, the girls in the row behind him whispered about prom, and two girls on the other side of the room added the final touches to another girl's braids (this involved a lighter). Now add various shouted comments about men vs. women (some of them so asinine they aren't worth repeating) and ya get my fifth period. i swear. to. god. Three girls in this period vow that they will buy me a present at the end of the year: tequila. I don't like kids buying me things (not that I've had tons of offers) but I said, "Look, I'm fine with flowers. Bring me flowers." i swear. to. god. Now, I must admit, I've inadvertently let fifth period become this raging monkey on my back. But that doesn't mean I can't complain about it. And I'm taking notes for next year.

The good news is that I had my summative evaluation yesterday and it went amazingly well. I got a hug from my principal, which I took as a good sign. Whoopee.

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