let me do the damn thang.
it seems that my old madhatter craziness is returning and i'm enjoying the students again. i've admitted to myself that my personality riles them up and that i'm not good at running a utilitarian classroom. i feel pressure from the Old Regime to run a factory styled classroom and it's just not me. with that said, my kids are scary and animalistic, perhaps cannibalistic, and they do need to be tamed. granted, they are seated (although my third period has some serious problems with this tricky task) and there's some sense of order in my classroom. but it can get a little chaotic.
i know i'm enjoying my students and their antics more because i'm laughing again and sharing stories. i'm a pretty vivacious person and i always have a story to tell, albeit sometimes i have to conclude my anecdote with "okay, this wasn't a very good story" or "that sounded better in my head." i love to tell stories of my crazy high school teachers to my students, and because i had some definite crazies, they usually go over pretty well. i suppose this storytelling is cyclical and i'm the crazy who is and will be talked about for years to come. but whatev.
it's funny, actually. i would never act as obnoxiously outside of the classroom. a few weeks ago one of my students asked, "ms, do you hang out with other teachers? because i just can't see you hanging out with, like, adults." i'm like, "yes, teacher. has. friends." but then i started thinking about the singing, the dancing, the facial expressions, the crazy jokes and laughing, the completely nerdy exuberance expressed over historical data... it's almost like i'm two people. i mean, teaching is acting, but i'm not pretending.
so when my principal recommended me to host a student teacher i hesitated and declined. i feel like my classroom needs some fine tuning, i mean, the car runs but it's not a smooth ride. i run my classroom with a special emphasis on relationships and i feel like this can't be emulated, rather, this is a teaching style that must come from the heart. and, let's face it, i don't think i'm worthy of observation and guidance yet. i think i need a few more years under my belt. you know, for some fine tuning.